Hidden Emotion
by ArcticWolf014
Summary: Placed shortly after Rin's outbreak in the forest. Now the people he thought were his friends are completely ignoring him, how can he deal with all this pain again? Story about cutting and depression.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, everyone! Welcome to my first fanfiction, I'm just going to throw this out there right aways: I've been having troubles writing the start of this series. I looked at a story called "Don't Make Me Stop" and sort of used it as a template. However, it is only temporary and I have still changed it up quite a bit from the template! The third chapter is where I shall take off into my own story and stop using the template! Thanks for reading!

 **XxXxXx**

Yes, I am perfectly aware that the actions I use to calm myself are considered wrong by the general point of view. However, I don't believe so. It's not like anyone knows though, but even if they did it's not like they would care. They wouldn't understand anything.

Back to the point though, I know it's wrong and that it is probably affecting me mentally. I'm smart enough to figure that out. I just don't really care, and I must look great because no one ever questions me. But, that might be because I've had a lot of practice. Too much, probably.

I learnt it's all about body language. The more energetic, goofy, happy person you are, the less they suspect you. Even if it's all a complete lie, they believe it. My favorite is a smile though, because it is so easy to put on your face. No one will suspect you, because you're smiling. A smile means you're happy, right? It means everything is great?

Well it's not.

I've managed to create a mask to cover my real emotions from everybody. It's not that hard either, just throw on a smile and they can't seem to look past the mask. The lie that you hide to protect your secret, the lie you hide to keep everyone happy and content.

You want the truth? I don't really smile anymore. I've forgotten what my real laugh sounds like, what it's like to be truly happy once again. Before anyone says I should talk to my friends about it, I can't. My so-called friends are part of the problem. They don't care, if they truly cared they would be able to see past this mask I've created. I am forever alone.

I do have people I care about, don't get me wrong. I'm happy for Yukio and his accomplishments, after all he is my little twin brother. I will always be happy for Yukio, and I will always be here for him. He has accomplished so much, compared to the screw-up myself. He deserves to be praised. I, on the other hand, do not.

Even when we were young, Yukio was the one all the teachers and everyone at the monastery loved. He was the one who got perfect grades, and the praise. I was the screw-up twin, the one who caused all the fights, the one who skipped school. I could never catch a break. When I was younger, I managed to completely destroy an entire kindergarten room.

 _Demon_

They would call me. I guess that's the irony though, because I really am a demon. Or that's how everyone treats me now. Not just any demon either, the king of all demons. The son of Satan.

Yes, Yukio is my twin brother, but I was the only one who inherited the flames. The blue flames, the flames that ruined my life. Even if I am a demon, I am also half human. That's what everyone forgets. I was raised as a human, I have emotions just like everyone else does, but all anyone sees right now if the demon half of me.

Everything was going great, too. Right before I lost control of my flames, almost killed some classmates, destroyed almost half of a forest, life was good I guess. When I joined the cram school, it was almost like a fresh start. I was no longer the demon that terrorized the city, I had a chance of making friends. Then the same day I made true friends, I also almost killed them.

It has been a month since the incident, and they went from being friends to completely ignoring me. Not that I really cared, I was used to it. The petrified stares I get when I walk into the small class of about 7 people. The scared looks, the furious looks. The looks that say I shouldn't be alive. They're right though, I'm just a demon. They have a right to be scared, mad, whatever!

These are the thoughts that crossed my mind every time I drag a dull razor across my arm. A few droplets of blood pool onto my skin, and I watch it. It doesn't hurt anymore. This is nothing compared to what I've dealt with. I make sure to cut lightly, so it doesn't scar. Like it matters really.

I don't even have to worry about bleeding out, or scars really. My demon healing abilities heal me. This wound will probably heal itself in about an hour or so. I left school early today so I could calm myself before going to cram school.

I take the blade and pull it across my skin again, watching as the dull blade bites deeper into my skin and more blood trickles down my arm.

Every time I feel down, I cut. If I'm feeling anxious, I cut. If I want to, I cut. I can feel all the tension leave me with every cut I make. The best thing is, there is no proof to show for it. As long as I don't cut deep enough, my demonic healing will heal it completely.

I look down the hall way at a clock, it reads three o'clock.

"Shit! Has it been this long already?" I exclaim, walking over to the sink and turning it on. I shove my arm under it and watch the pearl basin turn pink from my blood. I look up in the mirror at myself and sigh. "I guess it doesn't really matter anyways, nobody even wants me there. Maybe it'll just be best if I stay home..."

I shut off the tap and dry my arm. I can already see my arm starting to heal, the blood has nearly stopped running. A few drops form on my skin still, and I catch myself sighing once more.

"But then Yukio will get mad at me later, and that's really not worth it. I guess I'll head there." I say to no one, walking into the room Yukio and I share. I grab one of the true Cross Academy uniforms and slip it on. At least the uniform is black, so I don't have to worry about anyone seeing the blood on my arm. I grab Kurikara and take out a key to transport me to the Academy.

 **XxXxXx**

I push the door open and walk into Gehenna. Well, not literally I guess. But it feels like it. I know I'm late, class started at three sharp. Yukio stops his lesson to see me walk in. I put on one of my classic smiles and rub the back of my head.

"Sorry, everyone! I got a little held up!" I say with as much energy as I can muster, then walk over and take my place in the first row. Even when I sit down I can feel everyone's eyes on me and I start to wish I didn't come. I start to feel anxious and depressed again, and all I want to do is rip my arm open again.

I was starting to get lost in thought again, but my name snapped me back into focus.

"Okumura-kun." Yukio says.

 _Shit. Dammit!_

"Yes, Yukio-sensei." I say, suddenly alert. My shoulders tense, he's probably asking me a question he knows I don't know. Dammit, I hate this.

"You have lessons with Miss Kirigakure today." He says, watching me.

"Oh, okay! Thank you, sensei!" I nearly shout, smiling at him. I gather my stuff and leave the class. 'Yes, private lessons!' I think to myself, heading down to the training room.

 **XxXxXx**

When I swing the door open to the batting cage / training room, I'm welcomed by getting a can of alcohol thrown in my face.

"Yer late!" Shura says, glaring at me.

I rub my nose. "Sorry." I reply.

Shura raises an eyebrow. "Not like ya to apologize." She points out.

 _Fuck!_

"Is it?" I smile. "Well maybe I'm turning over a new leaf." I say. 'Smooth, like anyone will believe that.'

She obviously doesn't believe it but she doesn't push the subject, thank God.

I must've been staring at one spot for too long.

"Y'okay? Ya look like shit, Rin." Shura says, eyeing me.

I shake my head enthusiastically. "No, I'm fine!" I smile, "I just have some stuff on my mind."

I grab three candles and set them down, rushing to make it seem like I'm alright. However, that plan goes to shit when the two outside candles burst into flames that shoot high into the air. Once extinguished, Shura walks over to me and grabs my arm. I tense, and she must've felt it.

"Go home, Rin. Ya can't concentrate right now. Go sleep it off. Yer control won't get better unless yer concentration is good."

"...Fine." Is all I say. I need to get out, I feel winded. I grab my stuff and run out the door.

 **XxXxXx**

I shove the door open to our dorm and throw my stuff down.

 _It hurts. My chest._

I run into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me with my demon tail. My hands fumble for the razor once more. I rip it across my skin and I can instantly feel myself calming down. I watch the blood dribble off my fingertips into the cream sink again, staining it a ruby red.

Thank God for long sleeved shirts, Yukio won't see anything. I pull the razor across my skin again, this time lighter. I can breath again, the pain in my chest is already starting to fade.

I know I'm a cutter, I won't deny it. I won't change, I won't ever be able to quit. I will always be drawn back now that I know how it feels. How it calms your nerves. After all, I'm just a failure.

When I was thirteen, teachers said I'm a failure compared to my brother. How I will never go anywhere in life. I went home that day and made a nice, long scar from my knee to mid thigh. I like it, it's a constant reminder that I'm the failure.

I look down at the rolling storage compartment. Over the years, I've gotten good at hiding my tools. I roll it back until it falls out of place. I catch it before it falls on the ground with my bleeding arm. The strain causes it to bleed on the ground and I can feel the ache in my arm. Pain, it's beautiful. I deserve it.

I place it on the ground and reach in behind, feeling a metal pop-tab. I pull it out from behind and roll the storage compartment back into place. I liked using these pop-tabs, they were more precise. I put my arm back over the sink and look at the blue vein. I'm not very precise still; but I use it and drag it across my skin, following the vein all the way up my arm. It stings, it's painful. It's beautiful and I deserve it.

It's too shallow though.

I jerk my hand suddenly, causing it to bite deep. Blood instantly pours from it, right next to the vein. Any human would've passed out from blood loss from now, but I don't. Just a friendly reminder that I'm not human. It doesn't even hurt that bad. It feels so good, I just feel relaxed now.

For the first time in a while, I grin. It feels good. I know this one will scar.

I hear a soft thumping, but I shake it off. Probably my heartbeat filling up with adrenaline. I can feel my senses going crazy, there is mumbling outside. Sounds like Yukio, he's probably talking to himself. I don't care.

I put it on my skin again, about to tear myself a new one, my senses on overdrive because it feels so good. I push it against my skin and I feel myself get goosebumps from excitement. Almost like a high.

Then I hear the door handle turn and swing open.

Oh, great.

Yukio, and the group of ex-wires from his cram class stare at the ground like they're ashamed. They're ashamed faces turn to shock when they see my fresh scar and all the blood on my arm and the sink.

I thought about what I would do if this moment came. Probably yell at everyone, tell them they're terrible people. Instead, I still felt calm.

"You won't understand anything, and you never will."

I walk over to them, blood dribbling off my fingers onto the floor. I put my hand on the door, staining it red.

"You won't make me stop."

I shut the door in their faces, leaving a bloody hand mark right in the middle of the door.

 **XxXxXx**

 **A/N:** Tell me what you think please! I plan on continuing this story. I know this chapter was kind of dull in some parts, but all stories have dull moments. Plus it's the first chapter so there had to be a lot of explanation throughout the chapter. Things will get more... interesting you can say from here on out.


	2. Chapter 2

Just for future reference: I respond to all reviews through PM as long as you are logged in (not a guest)! Thanks for the support!

 **XxXxXx**

I was aware that Rin took his lose of friends pretty badly, so I decided to talk to the Ex-Wires once my brother had gone off to his lessons with Shura.

Once he left the classroom, I turn towards the class and look at them with my usual emotionless face.

"I understand that some of you are scared to be around Okumura." I start, glancing at each of them individually. "But, Rin was raised as a human. Even though he is a demon, he still has emotions." I say.

My response was expected.

"But he's not _just_ a demon! He's the son of the worst demon!" Konekomaru trembles, speaking frantically. A few other people agree, nodding their heads with Konekomaru.

"I'm indifferent." Izumo says, which is true I guess.

I sigh, trying to take another approach. They are right, I guess. Rin did lose control over himself and nearly killed everyone.

"Think about it like this, everyone. Imagine having no friends your whole life, then suddenly one day you make some. Imagine the same day, losing your friends. They shun you, ignore you, hate you. How would all you feel?" I say.

They look around at each other, clearly I had gotten through to them that time. Except for Konekomaru, that is. He still seemed like he was scared Rin was going to lose control at any moment.

"I suggest everyone comes to my place and apologizes to Rin. I will end class early so you can get back to your daily life before the bell rings." I say to them, pushing up my glasses slightly.

There were a few mumbles and groans, but no one dared to say otherwise.

 **XxXxXx**

I look over at the clock in the class, ten minutes before the bell is supposed to ring.

"Alright, everyone. Class is finished, pack up your books and get ready to leave." I say, instructing them in my usual monotone voice. They do, not bothering to say otherwise.

I walk over to the door and stick my dorm key into it, swinging it open into the abandoned dorms that me and my brother share. "Thank you all for doing this, it will mean a lot to Okumura." I say.

They nod, walking through the door into our dorms. They wait by the stairs for everyone to filing in, then I enter and close the door behind me. I begin to climb the stairs.

"Nii-san!" I shout out into the dorm, not having to worry about other students as the building was just for the two of us. After no response, I walk over to the room we share. Knocking twice on the door, I call out for him again. "Rin?" I ask, before opening the door.

Empty, weird.

"Nii-san, where are you?" I ask, a little more cautiously.

"What if he's m-mad at us all and started rampaging through the city?!" Konekomaru says looking worried, the other cram students seem to look a little more worried.

I look down the hall, that can't be true.

"Kuro?" I ask, seeing the little black cat pace in front of the bathroom door. I walk over to the cat and the class follows.

"Rin must be inside," I say. "Remember why you are all here." I say, their faces turning to somewhat ashamed.

I knock twice on the door. "Rin? Open up, I have something to say– well we do." I correct myself.

After no response, I knock again. "Nii-san, open up or I will open the door myself." I can hear the faucet running, which means he's not on the toilet or anything. I put my hand on the doorknob. "I'm coming in."

I push the door open to reveal Rin in his bloody mess. His arm, the blood, the masochist like grin on his face.

I can feel everyones face behind turn to shock, much like mine.

"You won't understand anything, and you never will."

He walks over to us, and places a hand on the door.

"You won't make me stop."

He shuts it right in our faces.

 **XxXxXx**

 _Well, not the best answer to something like this._

I look down to my arm which was still bleeding profoundly. I rip some toilet paper off the roll and quickly wrap it up. I know it won't do much, but it will help a little bit.

I start to realize that Yukio won't just stand there for long, as a matter of fact I can hear him rattling the doorknob as we speak.

"Rin? Rin! Open the door!" He sounds more like he's begging. Whatever.

I run over to the bathroom window and kick it until it shatters. The pieces of glass lodge themselves into my leg as I hop out, gripping the roof. I barely notice the glass in my leg now.

Even with my hand slippery with blood, I manage to pull myself onto the roof. Once up, I lie on my back and pant. I look up at the blue sky, the same colour as my flames.

I look down at my leg, finally realizing my pant leg is soaked in blood. Even as a demon, I can't lose this much blood or I really will die.

Half of my brain said oh well, who would care anyways? Probably my human side.

The other half was saying to just burn everything. Definitely my demon side.

I rip off my shirt, ripping it in half from there. I tie half of it around my leg, aware that the glass was still in there. The other half went to my arm.

 _I can't stay here anymore._

 _Not now that everyone knows._

I stumble to my feet. "I gotta get outta here." I say. "Damn, Yukio, damn school, damn friends. Who fucking needs any of them anyways?" I groan.

My head feels dizzy from blood loss though, and the ground sways. I would really like to ask someone why the ground is spinning. I look off the side of the building, I need to get out of here before they find me.

I stand over the edge, looking down at a tree that I usually jumped to when escaping Yukio in his rants.

I half jump, half fall off the edge. Black edging its way into my vision until it took over completely and I fell straight onto the tree, tumbling through the branches unconscious before finally landing on the ground in a heap of blood and scratches.

 **XxXxXx**

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading, I know these two chapters have been really short. Trust me, I'm used to writing longer chapters than this on my other account! Make sure to read the next chapter to see how Rin is and how the cram-students will react to all this! Quick question to go along with your reviews, would you rather have shorter chapters (like this size) posted frequently, or large chapters (probably three times or more this size) posted every week?


	3. Chapter 3

I had troubles writing the start of this series. So, I looked at a story called "Don't Make Me Stop" and sort of used it as a template. However, it was only temporary and I still changed it up quite a bit from the template! A lot, in fact! The ending of the last chapter and the rest of the story from here on out are all mine (no more template)! This is completely all my writing!

 **XxXxXx**

My eyes simply stare at the door that had been closed right in all our faces. For a moment, we are all deathly still. No one daring to say a word.

However, that was short lived.

I grab the door handle and twist it, but to no avail. Rin must have locked it from the other side.

"Rin?" I shout. "Rin! Open the door!" I plea, my voice sounding almost broken. The rest of the cram students seem to snap out of their daze.

"What the hell was that?" Bon asks, his eyebrows furrowing. At first, I thought he was going to say something snide.

"I- I thought demons had no feelings." Konekomaru speaks, although he seemed to say what was on everyones mind at the time.

I had stopped shaking the door handle. I step back and kick the door handle repeatedly until it broke off. The dorms were pretty old, so it didn't take much force. I look back at the rest of them.

Shiemi's eyes shone with tears, but said nothing.

Izumo seemed to look nervous, or distraught, which honestly surprised me because she is usually devoid of emotion.

The Kyoto group seemed rather shocked about the event. They probably hurt him the most, but they refuse to see that. Konekomaru in particular seemed to want to get out of here more than before.

I push the door open finally, "Rin?" I call out again. However, he was nowhere to be seen. I turn off the faucet and look around the bathroom.

"The window, he must've climbed out the window!" Bon exclaims, which again surprised me. Was Bon starting to care about how Rin was?

As if he had read my mind, he says: "Maybe we were an asshole to him. Even a demon doesn't deserve to be treated like that."

"You guys are all ignorant like the rest." Izumo finally says. "Even though he is a demon, he is also half human. He has human emotions like the rest of us." She says.

"Okay!" I say, knowing that would probably lead to bickering between the two students. I peer out the bathroom window.

Shattered, completely. I look up and see blood on the roof overhang.

"He must have climbed up on the roof!" I say aloud to the rest of them. "I'm going up, I want everyone else to stay in the kitchen until I return." I say, quickly jogging out of the bathroom and heading towards the stairs to the roof. I hear grumbles behind me, people saying they should maybe come too.

I open the door and step onto the roof. Looking around, I see no one. "Nii-san?" I shout out. I walk forward a bit and that's when I finally see it. The huge amount of blood puddled in the middle of the roof.

I bend down, it's still new. I look off to the side, tears welling up and threatening to fall down my face. I grit my teeth and wipe my eyes quickly. Then I see the trail of blood and where it leads to.

The edge of the roof.

"He couldn't have... Nii-san?" My voice comes out barely a whisper. I stand and slowly walk towards the edge of the roof.

Even from here, I can see it all. Even from four stories up in the sky, I can see the amount of it.

The crumpled body...

The tree he lay under...

 _The amount of blood_...

My voice hitches in my throat and I suddenly feel like throwing up. "Rin!" I shout, sprinting inside and down the stairs past everyone. "Shiemi, come with me!" I say, thinking he familiar could be useful.

However, everyone else comes too.

 **XxXxXx**

My body aches, my head feels like someone took a sword through it, my leg feels like there is something lodged in it.

Oh wait, there is.

Those were the thoughts I woke up too. I couldn't open my eyes yet, but I could smell the grass I was laying on and all my blood.

"I'm sorry, grass. You don't even deserve to be tainted by the spawn of Satans blood." I say, delirious. Thats when another smell hit my nose, well, more than one.

I open my eyes to see Yukio standing in front of me, his face riddled with concern.

"Hey Yukio, lunch is in the fridge and the-" then I realize the open area I was in and the crumpled position I lay.

"Rin, did you just... try to commit suicide?" He asks, his jaw set firmly. However, I can see he was fighting back tears.

I sit up with a huge groan, the bleeding had stopped at least. My body still felt like someone had hit me with a wrecking ball though.

"Did I what?" I ask, then I remember what happened.

The bathroom.

The cuts.

Everyone saw.

I jump to my feet, but my legs buckle and a fall back on the tree. I lean on it, seeing everyone from the cram school.

Everyone seemed genuinely worried for me, well some more than others. Konekomaru still looked like he could shit his pants any moment.

Probably all a lie, they're probably faking it. Yukio probably told them to try and look worried so I wouldn't feel bad.

"No, I didn't try to kill myself. I tried to escape from all you." I spat blood on the ground in front of them and glare at all of them.

Yukio looks hurt from that remark, oh well. He told me I should kill myself on the first day of cram school. He's probably secretly wishing I did.

"None of this is your business." I state, feeling more stable now. My body still hurt like hell, but I could probably get away if I wanted. "None of you cared, and you probably still don't. This is all a charade isn't it?"

There was no answer, just shocked faces. Of course, because I was right.

"I knew it." I mumble. "None of you will _ever_ understand what I've been through. Don't even try. Just leave me alone, like you have been for the past month or so."

I look at them all. Wait, where is Bon? Probably didn't care enough. Yukio finally had tears brimming in his eyes, which made me feel bad immediately.

I need to get out of here, I need to escape everyone.

I turn to leap away, but instead I was pinned down. Bon had me lying on the grass on my stomach, restraining my hands from myself.

"Let go!" I shout, squirming. My body felt like actual Hell.

"I'm sorry, Rin!" Shiemis soft voice spoke, after hearing all that she had started crying too. Her familiar, Ni on her shoulder. She got her familiar to summon some herbs to help stop bleeding and infection.

"Get away from me!" I shout, squirming again. Someone had taken the makeshift bandages off my ankle and arm. However, everyone ignored me. Just as fucking usual it seemed.

"There's still glass in his leg." Shima observed.

"I'll tend to his arm while you take the glass out, Yukio!" Shiemi says, already tending to his arm.

I can't see what Yukio's response was, I was looking over at Bon. He seemed to be struggling keeping me pinned down. Good.

I guess Yukio agreed, because my ankle suddenly felt like it was being sawed in half.

 **Half an hour later**

After many, many cuss words, mutliple screams of agony, the occasional combustion into blue flames, I finally got the glass out of my brothers leg. Everyone seemed worried to go near him now, especially after setting Bons pants on fire.

Bon was the only one who approached him with ease and no worry. That may be because Rin had passed out though. I don't think so though, I'm sure Bon is actually worried for him.

"Come on, help me get him back into the dorm." I say, lifting up one of Rins arms. Bon loops his arm around the other side of Rin and hoists him up. Everyone trails behind silently.

The sun was setting soon, I should let everyone return home.

After getting Rin into new clothes, we set him into his bed. I stand up and look at everyone. "When Rin wakes up up he probably won't want to talk to anyone." I say, pushing up my glasses a bit.

"Thank you for coming over to apologize everyone. I'm sorry you all had to witness this. I'm going to have to ask that Fridays class be cancelled tomorrow." I say, them all nod miserably.

Everyone files out without a word until it is only Bon and I left in the room. "Thanks for restraining Nii-san while he was bursting into flame." I say, genuinely meaning it.

"I should be the one apologizing to him, I didn't understand how far he took this." Bon says. "With your permission, can I stay in one of the dorms here?" He asks.

I look back at my brothers sleeping figure and sigh. "I don't see why not. You might be able to help." I say, nodding my head. Bon closes the door, sticks his key into it to go back to his dorm and disappears into it.

Now alone with Rin, I turn to him.

"Oh, Rin. I'm sorry I didn't do something earlier. I must truly be the worst sibling ever." I sigh again.

"I'm so sorry."

 **XxXxXx**

"-for restraining Nii-san while he burst into flame."

Huh? What was that?

My hears faintly pick up the noise. Did I do that? Did I burst into flame again. Did I hurt someone?

Oh, fuck it. They hate me anyways. Not like it matters.

I keep my eyes glued shut, pretending to be asleep still.

"I should be the one apologizing to him, I didn't understand how far he took this." Whose voice was that? It sounded like Bon.

Why would he apologize to a demon? I grip the sheets in my good hand into a ball.

 _He doesn't mean it, that's why. No one would ever apologize to me. Go to Hell, Bon._

"With your permission, can I stay in one of the dorms here?" He says again.

It takes all my willpower to not get up and punch him as hard as I can in the face. That sounded like the worst idea in the world. Oh well, Yukio won't allow it anyways. The only reason we sleep in different dorms then everyone else was because I'm a threat.

Yukio would never allow that, I grin internally when I think of Bons disappointed face.

I hear a sigh. "I don't see why not."

 _..._

 _What?! He didn't just-_

"You might be able to help."

I can feel the tension, the anger, the worry and the anxious feeling all come back. I don't want to deal with anyone right now.

 _Why Yukio?_

Yukio is the real demon here. I release my grip and grit my teeth, and feelings building up in me made me want to rip my arm open again.

"Oh, Rin. I'm sorry I didn't do something earlier. I must truly be the worst sibling ever."

 _What bullshit._

"I'm so sorry."

I wanted to open my eyes and say something snide to him, but I could already feel my body get heavy with sleep. My mind eventually faded into dark.

 **XxXxXx**

I wake up before my alarm goes off and I slide a pair of my glasses on. I look over to my side to see Rin still fast asleep.

It's Friday, I cancelled cram school classes. I should probably stay home to watch over Rin and try to talk to him a bit.

I stand up and turn our alarms off. Walking out our door, I walk into the newly cleaned bathroom.

"Who cleaned this all up?" I ask to no one in particular.

"I did, I thought I might as well help clean up if I am staying here." A voice behind me says.

Oh yeah, I forgot. Bon was staying in our place for a little bit.

"Thanks, Suguro." I say, still addressing him like in class.

"Oh, come on _teach_." He mocks. "Just call me Bon for now."

I nod and open my mouth to say something about breakfast and lunch in the fridge.

"Don't worry about Rin." He says, before I can say something. "I'll stay back from school today to watch over him. I finished my tests yesterday so I won't be missing out on much today."

I consider this, I do have tests to take today. Rin waking up to someone he hates right after yesterdays events? Probably not the best idea.

"It might be best if I stay with him today." I point out, but Bon shakes his head.

"I want to speak to him personally. I want to... you know," he sighs. "Apologize. I know the rest of the cram students still doubt him and are scared of him. I want to try to help though."

He looks pretty sincere about it too.

"I guess so... but phone me if _anything_ happens." I'm still weary Bon will explode at Rin and yell at him, but I have to trust him.

"Sure." He says.

We go to the kitchen and eat breakfast in an awkward silence. I go into the washroom and wash my face, Bon doing the same in a different bathroom I'm sure. I slip my glasses back on.

I bid farewell and good luck to Bon before leaving the dorm. I glance up to the room Rin and I share.

 _Weird, I don't remember opening the window..._

My eyes widen a bit in realization.

I turn around, walking back into the dorm. I walk up the stairs to our level. Bon sees me in the hallways.

"Forget something?" He asks, I merely shake my head.

"No, I just noticed something a little weird." I say, Bon follows behind me. I stop at the bedroom door.

I slowly turn the handle in case Rin was actually still sleeping. I push the door forward – well I try to. It's stuck, something seems like its pressed up against the door from the other side.

"Damn it, Okumura!" Bon shouts. I flash him a look and he immediately realizes he can't go around saying that kind of stuff anymore.

"Nii-san? Open up please." I ask calmly.

No response.

My mind suddenly starts to think the worst case scenerio.

 _What if he's hurting himself again?_

 _What if he's going through my anti-demon weapons?_

 _What if he's suici-_

"Hey!" Bon shakes my shoulders. I shake my head.

"Sorry." I rattle the doorknob again. Definitely stuck. I kick the door several times, but the object on the other side keeps the door shut firmly

Panic slowly starts to make its way into my chest, slowly spreading through my whole body.

 _I don't want Rin to hurt himself any longer._

Bon looks at the door, obviously thinking.

"I've got an idea." He says, running into the kitchen and returning with a meter stick. He sticks it under the door until he finds something hard. Giving it one big shove, something falls forward against the ground.

My hand shakes a bit as I turn the door knob, pushing the door open. My eyes scan the room.

Bloody bandages scattered amongst the ground, sword gone, window open...

Rin ran away.

 **XxXxXx**

 **A/N:** Hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Please review, it helps a lot!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Sorry about the uh… one year break? I kind of forgot about this until now! So without further ado, here is chapter four of Hidden Emotion

 **XxXxXx**

As soon as the door closes behind me I immediately take action.

 _Damn Yukio, making decisions without my consent! The whole reason I'm not in their dorm in the first place is because I'm a flame wielding, uncontrollable demon!_

I rip off the bloodied bandages that wrapped my leg where they had pulled the shard of glass free. It hurt a lot at first, but now it is a mere ache compared to what I have gone through.

I limp slightly over to a four legged, wooden chair and pick it up with ease. Carrying it over to the door, I tilt it on it's side and jam the top of the chair under the door handle so that they couldn't open it.

With a little smirk, I pick up Kurikara and sling the long blade onto my back and look around before giving a small sigh.

I walk over to the desk that sits in front our window and grab a few things before stuffing them into a small bag - pencil sharpener, a small army knife (hey, you never know what might happen), a jacket and a small note book.

My hand lingers in front of a picture of Yukio and I when we were younger in front of Shiro. Back before this whole mess started in the first place. But even then, I could not escape the names that would haunt me forever.

 _Demon_

 _Monster_

 _Satan's child_

Even back in kindergarten I would be called these names because of my unknown strength.

I guess thats what they call irony.

I snap out of my little day dream with a twist of the door handle behind me. This causes a little bit of panic to rise in my chest, but I try my best to ignore the feeling.

Reaching out to the window overlooking the city I now live in, I unlock it and open it up. I can hear Yukio calling, pleading for me to open the door.

 _I guess I'm a pretty shitty brother._

I push myself over the edge just before I hear the chair behind me fall over. Hurtling towards the ground, I readjust myself in the air to land on my feet. The sudden impact shudders through my legs, causing my new injury to reopen.

Any human who attempted to jump from this height would have most certainly been killed; however, it was a nice reminder that I am just a mere demon who doesn't belong in this world.

A tight knot instantly forms in my chest as I hear Yukio's worried voice from above.

 _I'm making Yukio worry about me again…_

Without further notice, I stand up and run around the building and down the streets. I know I can't get far because Mephisto would probably be able to track me down the moment I stepped outside the city.

I duck into a small, dark alley to catch my breath and think. The knot in my chest is still building with every thought of leaving Yukio behind in his moment of despair.

My hands fumble for my bag, opening it up and taking out the pencil sharpener and the army knife. The knot in my chest simply grows and grows, making my hands shake harder and my vision blur.

 _Shit, calm yourself!_

I blink away the tears that were forming in my eyes. I'm a demon, I'm not supposed to have emotion according to everyone else.

But then why do I do _this_?

I breath in slowly and out slowly to calm my racing nerves as I flip open the knife, popping out a screwdriver tab within the army knife. I insert it into the screw that held the blade on the sharpener itself.

With a few successful turns, I now have two separate pieces of metal in my hand.

I immediately drop the army knife and the now useless hunk of metal, gripping the blade of the sharper tightly in my hand.

The welling sensation was growing evermore larger now

 _I need a release of some kind before…_

My thoughts trail off.

 _Before what? What do I have to live for anymore? Yukio was the only one that cared for me before and now he probably hates me!_

I didn't realize how hard I was gripping the small, rectangular, metal blade until I saw a small pool of red in my hand. I watch the colour rising in my hand, before tilting it and letting the red colour fall onto the ground beside me.

 _That's right… no one needs my anymore._

I roll up my sleeve.

 _I'm just the fucked up twin._

I admire the blade, it's deadly sharp. Sharp enough to cut wood and lead.

 _My classmates hate me._

I move the blade over a vein on my left arm.

 _I hate myself._

I push down with the blade deep enough for it to instantly making the red liquid pool onto my skin and drip down the side.

It doesn't even hurt anymore, it's just a dull ache compared to everything that's going on.

Everything around me seems to stop. I can breath a little easier now, the knot in my chest fading just a little.

I drag the blade towards my body, cutting deeper than I ever had before. I can already feel myself getting dizzy. Whether it was from adrenaline or blood loss, I don't know.

And I honestly don't care.

I raise the blade slightly, watching the red liquid ooze from the fresh wound I just gave myself. The knot in my chest is still there and it still hurts to breath.

I avoided the vein last time, but this time I position the blade directly over the vein itself. I push down again, this time I can feel a shooting pain through my body as it hits the vein.

I can't say I don't enjoy the feeling anymore.

My vision blurs once more and I can see black spots dancing in the corners of my eyes.

Dragging the blade once again quickly, another small stream of blood instantly poured from the newer cut.

Even with my demon healing capabilities, I know this will take a while to stop bleeding.

My hands start to feel slightly clammy, my body was probably going into overdrive to stop myself from bleeding out.

I find myself hoping that I do bleed out.

I tilt my chin up towards the sky, dark grey clouds had appeared overhead and I could feel a few drops of rain. A few drops turned into a steady rainfall, which quickly turned into a full out rain storm.

Thunder rumbled overhead as I was instantly soaked all the way to my bones. I shiver slightly, finding my motions now were becoming sluggish. The black dots now took over half my vision as I shift my hand to my bag groggily.

I'm desperately trying to get out a my jacket I packed earlier but my hands just aren't coordinating anymore.

If the blood loss doesn't kill me, hypothermia definitely will.

A sudden bubble popped into my head as my hands shake uncontrollably from the cold.

 _Do I really want to die like this?_

I sniffle through the rain, my arms dropping to the side in a failed effort to take out the jacket.

I simply lay there, limp and completely soaked all the way through my clothes. Cold to my bones.

Blood still pouring out of my two fresh cuts on my arm.

The black suddenly overwhelms my vision and I can do nothing but close my eyes.

Thunder rumbles overhead, but I can not hear it over the hammering of my heart in my ears.

 _I don't want to die!_

 **XxXxXx**

 **A/N:** So there is chapter four, I sincerely apologize about the one year break. I'll be sure to update in the near future… that is if Rin survives this ordeal.

Reviews are welcome!


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey all, KawaiiKitsune014 here, I know it has been ages since I last updated any of my stories. Well, here is the update.**

 **I'm deleting all of my stories and changing my username. My new username will be ArcticWolf014!**

 **Fear not though, I just want a clean slate. I will be rewriting each story, I just want to take on one project at a time. The first story I return to WILL be a new one though. I plan on writing a novelization of the video game Undertale.**

 **I will return to these types of stories after, it is just harder for me to write angst when I am not in a particular mood.**

 **Also, I will be uploading all of my stories to Archive of Our Own (AoO as I will be referring to it). I will be changing my name to ArcticWolf014 on there as well.**

 **Thank you to all of my subscribers for following and I am sorry that I am, in a way, abandoning these stories. I will return to them**

 **Just a recap:**

 **In 24 hours after this post is uploaded to my stories, I will delete my three current stories. However, I AM changing my name ASAP (if I can).**


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